When stalking Lance Henriksen at Crypticon 2016, there are a few things you should keep in mind.
First up, if following him through the hallway, keep at least four feet of distance between you and him. That way if he stops suddenly to talk to his handler, look around, or get directions on where he needs to be, you won’t almost run him over and possibly crush a national treasure.
Also, it’s very important to keep up a facade of ‘cool’, even though you are almost vibrating with excitement because LANCE HENRIKSEN IS WALKING DOWN THE HALLWAY LIKE HE’S A TOTALLY NORMAL PERSON AND NOT ONE OF THE STARS OF ALIENS AND PUMPKINHEAD AND MILLENNIUM (the TV series, not the movie, that was Kris Kristofferson) AND NEAR DARK.
If you keep screeching “Lance Henriksen is right here in the hallway and he’s smaller in real life and maybe we could just grab him and run off with him!” people around you will start to show concern – for your sanity or his safety, neither is conducive to good things happening. You don’t want to get thrown out of the convention (or possibly detained by authorities for acting like crazy people) and miss out on the rest of the event.
Last, when Lance Henriksen gets to his destination and disappears inside a door where you can’t follow, it’s important to maintain a believable look of indifference while you lounge in a doorway across the hall, bereft at the loss, and trying to figure out what you are going to do next. Especially as it is entirely possible he will pop up again very suddenly and directly in front of you, looking around at the door behind you to see if that is where he needs to be, and asking his handler IN THE EXACT SAME VOICE HE ALWAYS USES IN MOVIES if this is actually where they are expecting him. At this point you will want to retain your air of calm normalcy, take two steps to the right in stunned silence, then poke your stalking partner as subtly as possible to get her attention so she, too, can freeze up like she’s being hunted by a T-Rex and watch as Lance Henriksen double checks the door you’re standing in front of before turning and disappearing once again into the original room he was led to.
If you stick to all of these steps, chances are you will not only have a delightful time following one of your fave cult actors around the convention, you will be at less risk of ending up on a security watch-list and banned from attending any further events.
And you don’t want to be banned from Crypticon.
Not when you can meet Michael Biehn (Terminator, Aliens, The Abyss, come on man, it’s Michael Biehn!) at his autograph table, gush over how much you loved him in The Abyss, and get a personalized autograph from him (while his handler giggles at just how overly excited you are behaving). And certainly not when you can almost run into Michael Biehn a couple of hours later in the hallway where he is looking at shirts and you are freaking out about him being RIGHT THERE and his handler is laughing at you yet again because you can’t seem to contain your joy.
And you definitely don’t want to miss out on being the first in line to get your picture taken with Michael Biehn a short time after that, and be jumping around and giggling like a kid at Christmas, only to have his handler peek out of the curtains of the photo-op area, spot you behaving in this delightfully silly manner, and give a very pronounced head shake as he laughs at you once again. So you not only get to meet Michael Biehn (have I said that name enough yet?) who you’ve been watching in films since you were very small and he was Kyle Reese saving Sarah Connor and he was Hiram Coffey fighting Virgil “Bud” Brigman and he was Hicks flirting relatively badly with a mostly disinterested Ripley, BUT you pretty much made a volunteer star-handler’s day with just how bubbling over you are with excitement at it all.
Of course getting to meet (or at least stalk them in a totally innocent and not at all creepy manner) favorite celebs is not the only reason to attend Seattle Crypticon. There are amazing panels to attend, such as the Body Paint Demo with artist Dutch Bahery, where he takes a normal looking lady and turns her into an homage to the xenomorph in Alien 3 (he liked the coloring, not so much the special effects) with just some spray paint and creativity.
There is also the Anubis Hearse Club parked outside, where you can peek in and around vintage hearses and imagine how great it would be to ride around in one (in a velvet lined coffin of course). Especially after donating all your blood (or as much as they’ll take) at the Tom Gonser Memorial Blood Drive hosted by NW Bloodworks. If you’re lucky you’ll have a buddy donating at the same time and you can take part in some competitive bleeding for a good cause (I totally filled my bag faster than my buddy).
And what is a convention without taking a turn (or several) through the Vendor’s Hall? You’ll find Crypticon 2016 t-shirts made on-the-spot by Fingers Duke Design Studio and Screen Printing, eyeball-shaped hair accessories that you just have to have from Scary White Girl Designs, an opportunity to attack your con-buddy with a bloody prop ax in the Haunted Nightmare on the Nile display, some excellent graphic t-shirts from Conan the Barbarian and more by Punkstuff, beautiful pop-culture themed watercolor prints by artist Levi Craig, army men toys that include both colonial marines and xenomorphs at Geek Girl Collectibles, and soap named after Princess Leia that smells of cinnamon and chai tea from guys (of Deeply Dapper) that get just as excited to meet the lady behind Manos: Hands of Felt as you are (that was pretty freaking awesome actually).
If you’re lucky, and you have more days at Crypticon than some people (that would be moi, who was only able to be there one day), and you don’t get stuck in the parking garage for over half an hour because no one marked it as full (yeah, that’s a thing that happened), and you don’t get thrown out for being creepy and freaking out guests because of your over-exuberance (that didn’t happen but we may have just managed to not be the craziest people there), there are a lot more things you’ll get to do and see. Like a heavy metal burlesque show, a prom of the dead, a showing of the best horror short films recently released (by the way, I didn’t see The Smiling Man at the con BUT I have seen it before and it is totally creepy and totally worth checking out), a bunch more make-up and costume demos, a mobile escape lab, and even a lookalike contest for everyone’s favorite vixen-y hostess Elvira.
While not a particularly large convention, Crypticon has a lot to offer its attendees.
And that’s before you include the opportunity to follow Lance Henriksen up and down hallways while giggling like a maniac